Day 0 – Attempt #2

I haven’t been updating this blog because, unfortunately, just shy of 2 months into my progress I had a complete relapse, and was honestly too ashamed to say so. I can’t even remember what sparked it, but it immediately turned into a binge cycle that’s lasted until this week. 

I think it’s safe to say I’ve got this recent cycle out of my system, and am now ready to try again. I’ve now started blogging on http://www.reuniting.info/ as well to get some support and accountability going. As much as I’d love to come out to my friends, they either view porn themselves and don’t see it as such an issue, or aren’t capable of emotional support. That, or I have immensely crappy friends. I also can’t come out and say this to my girlfriend (at least not yet), since she’s under the impression that I quit porn more than a year ago and have been squeaky clean ever since. I don’t want her to think it has something to do with her, and it doesn’t, so until I have the strength and some clean months behind me I won’t involve her. As for my parents, well, my mother is a strong Christian who writes books on the subjects and offers religious counselling (sooooooo not going there) and my Dad, well, he’s probably looking at porn right now, and I’d rather not interrupt him, you know?

So here we go, Attempt #2 at quitting porn, starting at midnight on November 28th.

In Other News…

Along with my recent porn binge, Forza 4 came out, and coupled with the fact that I quit my job and have been freelancing for a while, I dove straight into full days and nights of gaming. I also smoke hubbly more often now. Aren’t I just the pillar of strength.

I’m honestly considering whether getting rid of my gaming consoles is what’s necessary at this point. I know there’s a way to game without it being a problem, but I can’t seem to strike a balance between work and play, and I think I now need to amputate. If arousal addiction is real, and I believe it is, then gaming would be a substitute for porn, would it not? Obviously not for the same reasons, but in terms of how it affects my mental and physical well-being, and how it consumes my days. What do you think?

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