Day 18

Wowzer, it’s day 18 already! It just slipped right by, I’ve been quite busy lately and out of the house for most of the day. Haven’t had any near slips or desires to go back to porn, so still going strong. I think having stuff to do has been quite useful. It keeps you distracted and outside of your comfort zone, so you just don’t have time to think “Hey, I’ve got a million and one things to do today, let me slip in some porn”. While anxiety over needing to do things made me want to view porn in the past, forcing myself not to has in turn forced me to just get stuff done.

On a side note, absolutely rock-solid erections have returned during sex. I mean, borderline painful erections. Last night my girlfriend commented that it looked purple. It was quite nice to have such a positive sign, although it had its downfalls. Not having had such hard erections for a long time, I’m simply not used to how sensitive it is during sex, which has made it quite difficult to hold back ejaculation. Had to pause quite a few times! Hopefully I’ll get used to it sooner than later. Morning erections are still on the weakish side, but definitely getting better.

Sex, strangely enough, has started to mimic my masturbatory technique; lots and lots and lots of edging, with barely any movement in between each edge. It seems that masturbating so often “sedated” my arousal response during sex, and now that it’s out of the picture all I have is the sex. For lack of a better description, it’s like I’m now masturbating using my girlfriend. I don’t enjoy it, because I keep having to slow down or stop or I’ll lose control. I don’t want to have to whack off a million times before sex in order to get a hold on things, so I’m going to have to find out how to manage my arousal.

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